The Way of Love in Marriage
Ephesians 5:1–2 (NIV): Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
The Way of Love in Marriage
1. A Reclaimed Vision of Marriage (intro)
2. A Robust Theology of Marriage
3. A Renewed Methodology for Marriage
4. A Repaired Road In Marriage
5. A Redemptive Promise of Marriage
2. A Robust Theology of Marriage
Ephesians 5:21–33 (NIV): Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
CONTEXT: Greco-Roman Patriarchy VS. The Cult of Artemis Paradigms
Aristotles Household Codes:
Of household management we have seen that there are three parts—one is the rule of a master over slaves… another of a father, and the third of a husband. A husband and father rules over wife and children, both free, but the rule differs, the rule over his children being a royal, over his wife a constitutional rule. For although there may be exceptions to the order of nature, the male is by nature fitter for command than the female, just as the older and full-grown is superior to the younger and more immature…
The freeman rules over the salve after another manner from that in which the male rules over the female, or the man over the child; although the parts of the soul are present in all of them, they are present in different degrees. For the slave has no deliberative faculty at all; the woman has, but it is without authority, and the child has, but it is immature. So it must necessarily be with the moral virtues also; all may be supposed to partake of them, but only in such manner and degree as is required by each for the fulfillment of his duty.
-Aristotle, Politics
Wives must be in servitude to their husbands, a servitude not imposed by violent ill-treatment but promoting obedience in all things. Parents must have power over their children. . . . The same holds for any other persons over whom [the man] has authority.
-Philo
The Cult of Artemis:
-Believed to be the Mother Goddess-the source of life
-The one who nourished all creatures, and the power of fertility in nature.
-Young women turned to her as the protector of their virginity, barren women sought her aid, and women in labor turned to her for help in childbearing.
-It was believed that Artemis was the child of Zeus and Leto and the sister of Apollo. -She sought the company of a human male partner, instead of her own kind. Thus, making Artemis (and the rest of her female adherents) superior to men.
-Because of the belief of female-superiority, the Artemis cult also taught that evil was brought forth by man.
DEFINITIONS:
What does the word SUBMIT mean?
ὑποτάσσω (hupotassō) 'to subject or submit' (G5293)
This word occurs about 57 x
What does the word HEADSHIP mean?
κεφαλή (kefalē) 'head' (G2776)
head (of a body); top (stone in a building); by extension: someone or something in the primary place
This word occurs about 424 x
Look BACK… GENESIS 1-3
-it seems that there is no hierarchy till after the fall (the way of love reverses this back)
Genesis 3:16 (NIV): Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.
-The only other time this is used in the Torah is the next chapter
Gen 4:7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.”
-What about naming? (Hagar names YHWH Genesis 16:13)
-What about the term “HELPER”
עֵ֫זֶר (e.zer) 'helper' (H5828)
This word occurs about 24 x
Gen 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Every other use in the OT is for YHWH after Gen 2
Exo 18:4 and the name of the other, Eliezer (for he said, “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh”).
-Unique Responsibilities
-the Serpent is testing Adam and Eve with plural verbs
-When God comes in the Garden he speak in the singular toward Adam
-Jesus (our head) taking on the punishment that we deserved)
Ephesians 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives
Seems that part of what Jesus came to do was to destroy what creates human oppression without dismissing the beautiful unique wiring of his creation
Galatians 3:28 (NIV): 28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus
IN CONCLUSION: Eph 5 is not just a critique of the current culture but a full redemptive movement of the original human narrative!
Transition: So what are the unique roles that Bible ascribes to Husbands and Wives?
Women: Ezer - To be a life giving source of strength toward her husband for the accomplishing of God’s Kingdom purpose through loving covenant union.
Husband: Kefalē - To be a life giving source of self-sacrifice for the protection and flourishing of his wife for the accomplishing of God’s Kingdom purpose through loving covenant union.
Ephesians 5:1–2 (NIV): Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3. A Renewed Methodology for Marriage
So… What does “THE WAY OF LOVE” look like in a mutually submissive marriage
5 Practices for Marriage:
Listen Graciously (create a safe place where they want to share)
Learn Continually (people are dynamic not static, grow in knowledge as they grow)
Laugh Intentionally (The power of Positive Reinforced Memories)
Live Missionally (Live for something bigger than your relationship, and invite kids in it)
Love Sacrificially (non-transactional)
“The moment we begin to see others, in terms of what they can do, rather than who they are, we mutilate humanity in violate community.”
-Eugene Peterson, Working the Angles
4. A Repaired Road In Marriage
Three Levels of Repair
-Broken expectations (clarity and humility)
-Broken heart (repentance and forgiveness)
-Broken trust (healing and time)
THE MODEL FOR REPAIRING TRUST / Henry Cloud, TRUST
Step I: Heal from What Happened to You
Step 2: Move Beyond Anger and Revenge and Turn Toward Forgiveness
Step 3: Ponder What You Really Want
Step 4: Figure Out If Reconciliation Is Available
Step 5: Assess Trustworthiness to Determine If Trust Is an Option
Step 6: Look for Evidence of Real Change
“Whatever pain is not transformed is transferred.”
-Ronald Rolheisser
Pain and suffering are a kind of currency passed from hand to hand until they reach someone who receives them but does not pass them on.
-Simone Weil
Transition: Is it really better to stay together? If there’s abuse, danger, or infidelity than your first option needs to be safety and healing, not repair.
For everyone else, even when Trust is being rebuilt listen to what can happen.
“Recent research shows that marital quality actually improves over the years for couples who don’t split up. Specifically, although marital happiness declined slightly in the early years of marriage, it improved after about 20 years for most longtime married couples, while discord improved continuously over time. Shared activities—like recreation, eating dinner, or visiting friends together—also improved after about 20 years, despite a drop in the early years. The authors note that "about half of all marriages last a lifetime, and the long-term outlook for most of these marriages is upbeat, with happiness and interaction remaining high and discord declining."
-Dr. Paul Amato, Professor Family Sociology and Demography, Pennsylvania State University
“All surveys tell us that the number of married people who say they are “very happy” in their marriages is high—about 61–62 percent—and there has been little decrease in this figure during the last decade. Most striking of all, longitudinal studies demonstrate that two-thirds of those unhappy marriages out there will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced. This led University of Chicago sociologist Linda J. Waite to say, “the benefits of divorce have been oversold.”
Timothy Keller & Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
Isaiah 43:18–19 (NIV): Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
5. A Redemptive Promise of Marriage
Ephesians 5:32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Illustration: Watching my grandparents marriage of over 60 years prepare them for the divine substance of the marriage supper of the Lamb!
Revelation 19:6–9 (NIV): Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
9 Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”
MAY WE NEVER FORGET:
Everything is given for the Glory of God, not on our own glory
Everything can be done in the power of the Holy Sprit, not our own strength